Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
