dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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