We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
