I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize