I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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