i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
