She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
