my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
