I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
