i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
