He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
