He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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