You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
