All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
