it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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