I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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