How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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