One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.