I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.