We're facebook friends in real life
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation