The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.