Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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