I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My hand turned me down
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
