You really coming over, don't trick.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
