It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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