Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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