Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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