He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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