i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
