babies were throwing up all over the place
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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