why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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