If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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