i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
