no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize