Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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