we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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