Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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