you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
