I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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