that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
