Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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