Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
