i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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