Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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