fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
