guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
