Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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