tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
