Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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