please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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