Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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