Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
