sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
