well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
