Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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