I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
