Im at strip club and am horny
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
