is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
