Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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